Dreams are Overrated

"If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N." — David Wooderson

Years ago, I was associated with a crisis pregnancy group that would tell expectant mothers and fathers, "You can have your dreams and your babies too..."

The slogan, good-hearted and sincere, was an attempt to convince soon-to-be parents, particularly young mothers, that having a child was not the end of their hopes and aspirations—that abortion was not what their hearts longed for.

It's as if we knew these young soon-to-be parents were innately selfish and self-centered. Which they are—we are—humans are innately selfish. Augustine was right; we are born Homo Incurvatus in se, humanity curved in on itself. To this day, the #1 reason women get an abortion is that "having a baby would dramatically change my life." These dramatic changes amount to "I am not financially prepared..." it is "not a good time..." and this pregnancy may "interfere with my future plans."

But instead of addressing this selfishness, we feed it. We say things like, "You can have your dreams and your babies too..."

Yet rarely is this true. In fact, it has been my experience that dreams die quickest in the delivery room.

And that is the way it should be.

In the book Peter Pan [the original 1911 version], there is a beautiful conversation that happens between the young Michael and his mother, Mrs. Darling:

Mrs. Darling: "There are many different kinds of bravery. There's the bravery of thinking of others before one's self. Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens. But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams. 

Michael: Where did he put them? 

Mrs. Darling: He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer... He does. And that is why he is brave."

I remember how the tears began to well up in my eyes as I first read that exchange. There was an immediate sense of sadness for Mr. Darling, but then, I was overwhelmed by a great sense of responsibility and honor. Mr. Darling was brave, not because he achieved and did everything he wanted to, but because of the opposite: he put his wants, needs, and dreams in a drawer so that he could help his family run after their dreams. His babies were more important than his dreams.

Brothers, the Western idea of freedom is that the free man can do whatever he wants to do. Be whoever he wants to be. Go wherever he wants to go. Say whatever he wants to say. He can reach whatever heights he wants to reach. That is the crux of Western freedom.

Yet, the Western idea of freedom is rooted in the fall [Genesis 3]. Underneath the call to go and be and say and do whatever you want is selfishness. The Bible demonstrates a better freedom, true freedom, "not my will but your will be done." (Luke. 22:42)

True freedom is the ability, the desire to do what God wants you to do. Be who called has called and designed you to be. Go where God wants you to go. Say what God wants you to say. Not to elevate oneself and run unhindered through life, but to die to oneself and come under the Kingly rule of Christ, living for God and others. That is true freedom.

In other words, true freedom is when you willingly put your dreams in the drawer for the sake of God and others.

Brothers, being selfish is easy. Giving your life away for others takes courage.

Running after your dreams is cheap. Dieing to yourself and living for others is costly and brave.

When I got married, there were dreams I had to let go of. When I became a father, I started filling my drawer with dreams.

And like Mr. Darling, late at night, now and then, I'll open the drawer and think what might have been. This does not make me evil or selfish; it makes me human. But each time, God gives me the strength to shut the drawer. Why? Because my babies are more important than my dreams. Being the husband and leader God has called me to be is more important than my dreams.

Men, dreams die hard. I get it. No one dreams more or bigger than me. Whenever I get a crazy notion, or the allure of achievement and notoriety pull at my heart, I must stop and ask myself, "Is this God's best, what He wants? Is this best for Ally? Is this best for my kids?"

More times than not, the answer is "no." So faithfully, with as much bravery as I can muster, I walk into my room, open the drawer, and lay my dream in the place where dreams go to die. I do that because God has given me something far better than a dream. He has given me a wife to love, children to provide for, and a home to protect. And the more I am with my family, the more I am for my family, the more I realize I am living the dream.

L-I-V-I-N,

Harp