Redzone friends. Endzone lovers. It's incredible how many people are on your side when it's first and goal.
As a CEO and nonprofit leader, I've spent years raising money. Programs, projects, capital campaigns—one thing every church, ministry, and nonprofit has in common—they all need [more] money.
The hardest part of a capital raise? The beginning. No one wants to be on the kickoff team.
Yet everyone wants to carry the ball across the line.
Redzone friends. Endzone lovers.
Money teaches us a lot about people. I'm 42 years old, and I've got a few kickoff friends. Friends who will give and take licks. Friends who line up, week after week, for the most exciting and most grueling part of the game. I’ve got a lot of redzone friends.
Jesus had redzone friends. Lots of them. After feeding five thousand men and countless other women and children, the people of Bethsaida wanted to make Jesus king [John CH. 6]. Everybody loves to eat. Jesus was having none of it:
"When the people saw the sign that he had done, they said, 'This is indeed the Prophet who is to come into the world!' Perceiving then that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, Jesus withdrew again to the mountain by himself." [vv. 14-15]
Jesus was shrewd enough to acknowledge fairweather friends. As men, we should operate with the same shrewdness. We need to be on the lookout for fairweather friends and guard our hearts against becoming one.
Fair-weather Friends
A fair-weather friend is a 'friend' who is only supportive or friendly when things are going well. Here are eight characteristics of a fair-weather friend:
1. Inconsistent Presence: They are only around during good times and vanish when you face challenges or difficulties.
2. Self-Centeredness: Their interactions often revolve around their own needs or benefits rather than mutual care.
3. Lack of Empathy: They show little interest in your problems or emotional struggles, offering minimal support when you need it most.
4. Unreliable: They fail to follow through on promises or commitments, especially when doing so requires effort or sacrifice.
5. Superficial Bond: The friendship lacks depth, focusing on fun, convenience, or shared interests instead of genuine connection.
6. Avoidance of Responsibility: They shy away from being involved in difficult or uncomfortable situations, leaving you to handle things alone.
7. Quick to Judge or Criticize: Instead of offering understanding, they may distance themselves or judge you when things aren't going well.
8. Conditional Loyalty: Their support depends on circumstances; they're loyal only if it's easy or advantageous for them.
Redzone friends. Endzone lovers.
All-weather Friends
As men, we need to have brothers on the kickoff team. All-weather friends—rain or shine—they are there.
I spent time in Ridgeland, Mississippi, at the annual Man Camp this weekend. I met some all-weather men. Good men. Men who care about one another. Men who, I am convinced, would give and take a lick if asked. My time culminated at First Baptist Ridgeland, where I preached the Sunday sermon. At the end of the service, the entire church stood and made a pledge to one another [they call it their covenant; they do it every week]:
"You will never suffer at my hands. I will never say nor do anything knowingly to hurt you. If you're down and I can lift you up, I'll do that. I will always, in every circumstance, seek to help and support you. If you need something and I have it, I'll give it to you. No matter what I find out about you, no matter what happens in the future, either good or bad, my commitment to you will never change."
I love this pledge. It is an all-weather pledge. Men need this type of companionship. Men are becoming more, not less, isolated, and that is not a good thing. According to a study from the Survey Center on American Life:
"The percentage of men with at least six close friends fell by half since 1990, from 55% to 27%."
The study also found that the percentage of men without close friends jumped from 3% to 15%, a fivefold increase.
Brothers, we need friends who will thrive amidst the difficulties of life. Where do you find such friends? Besides Ridgeland, Mississippi, you can start by looking at your local church. The local church is the best place to seek out male friendships because:
1. You are worshiping the Lord together weekly.
2. You are both heading in the same direction in life.
3. You are both learning the same stuff.
4. You are both going to see each other regularly.
5. You can both quickly get to know one another's family.
6. You are both accountable to the same leadership.
7. You can experience life on mission together through mutual ministry and service.
8. If the relationship is strained, you can't hide from each other if you are committed to attending your local church.
Brothers, I'm looking for men to be on the kickoff team. I appreciate the redzone fan fair, but give me that kickoff brother, every time.
Take licks. Give licks. All-weather brothers.
— Harp