In a world where everyone has a platform, who [or what] are you listening to? Who is shaping you? Who is speaking into your life—your heart?
I typically meet two types of men. The first type solicits the "yes." He surrounds himself with men who tell him what he wants to hear. Like a naked, bongo playing McConaughey, everything is green lights.
The second type sits under the "no." Critics surround him: a nagging wife, an overbearing boss, his mind haunted by unprocessed hurt/trauma from his past. The most straightforward decisions feel scrutinized, and any progress carries the hopelessness of 'one step forward and two steps back...'
Constant green lights or incessant criticism, both stunt a man's growth. Neither allows for transformation.
My friend Jon Tyson recently wrote about biblical archetypes. Gleaning from the book of Revelation [Lion, Eagle, Ox, and Man (Rev 4:7)], he describes these archetypes as distinct but equal voices every man needs to hear. These voices help bring about the growth and transformation a man needs:
“The Lion is the authority figure—the one who gives permission, truth, and constraint.
The Eagle is the prophetic, spiritual figure—the one who gives new perspective and vision.
The Ox is the laborer, the pragmatist—the one who challenges and helps make it real.
The Human is the friend, the encourager—the one who accepts us as we are and draws us into rest and presence.”
Think of it as a man sitting in a circle while the other four speak into his life. More than 'sharing is caring,' it is about advancing…
The Lion is real, unapologetic. He tells you where you are.
The Eagle tells you where you could be.
The Ox tells you how to get there.
The Human is there to boost and carry you [if needed] along the way.
Jon admits, "...this can sound a bit hokey. This can sound a bit like fight club wannabe or Gen X therapy. But put the cynic aside, and you are dealing with a framework of a transformative experience.” Here are two examples:
Losing Weight
The Lion/Authority says, 'I'm going to be honest with you; you're fat. Not chubby or a bit heavy. You're fat. No woman wants to have sex with a fat man. She is just being nice. You are also a health burden to your kids. No kid wants a fat dad. It's time to be honest and make a change.'
The Eagle/Visionary says, 'The best stories are transformation stories. Like the guy on the CrossFit documentary, that guy was in way worse shape than you! Now he looks like a college athlete. You can do this. Your transformation will inspire everyone around you. Your source of shame is about to become your source of strength.'
The Ox/Pragmatist says, 'Want me to sign up with you? I'll train three days a week and help you get after it. We’ll intermittently fast and cut out the sugar. Let's grind.'
The Human/ Friend says, 'I'm sorry this last season has been hard. And listen bro, I know taking the edge off with pizza and ice cream is easy. But we're not teenagers anymore. The joyride is over, metabolism is a real thing! I get it, and I love you, but let's turn a corner. I'll be here if you screw up and slip back, I got you. Ride or die...'
Forgiving Your Father
The Lion/Authority says, 'You must confront your dad in love and tell him how he hurt you. This passivity has gone on long enough. Because you're not allowing the pain to be transferred, you are transferring onto those you love. You are repeating the very thing you are hurt by. It's time to lean in.'
The Eagle/Visionary says, 'Imagine the generational breakthrough if you reconcile and are honest with your father. Think about the healing, the change, the family legacy. Other men may be inspired by your courage and reconcile with their fathers. This could be bigger than you know.'
The Ox/Pragmatist says, 'I have had to process a ton of pain with my own story. Here are my best resources, practices, and processing techniques. I'm down to catch up regularly and walk through your story, too, if it helps.'
The Human/ Friend says, 'I'll pray as you and your dad meet. Afterward, let's debrief and process what happened in your heart. Whether he asks for forgiveness, admits his fault, blows up, or completely changes, I will walk this out with you emotionally and be here as a brother.'
Having each of these voices in your life is crucial. Having too much of one and not enough of the other(s) is detrimental.
If you only have permission, you'll grow more selfish and immature.
If you only have vision, you'll die dreaming—always talking about greatness but never tasting it.
If you only have criticism and correction, you’ll grow discouraged—always looking over your shoulder, waiting for the next knife.
If you only have comfort and encouragement, you’ll become soft and lose resilience. Like a fat cat, you'll forget how to chase mice.
As men, we must shut out the noise and welcome voices of growth. Jon is right, “…you need these voices to push you into your calling and pull you out of your past. Maybe sitting with a bunch of dudes and trying this feels too awkward. That's okay. Perhaps you can do this on your own at a table, thinking from each perspective and advising yourself. Maybe you can picture Jesus speaking to you with each of these tones. The point is not how you do it; it's that you do it. You need people speaking into your life and telling you the truth in multiple dimensions."
Brother, don't just hear what you want; listen to what you need to hear.
Listening,
— Harp
BTW - I am a practitioner… In my life right now there are a few Lions that check me and push me. There is an Eagle that believes in and inspires me. I’ve got Oxen laboring with me. And I’ve got a few Friends that accept me no matter what.