My simple definition of manhood: Manhood is the collapse of childish narcissism as the boy learns to love God and others more than himself.
Thirty-five years ago, anthropologist David D. Gilmore published Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity, a cross-cultural study of manliness around the world. He found that almost all societies throughout history had a concept of 'real' or 'true' manhood, which was held in esteem as a valuable and indispensable ideal.
Men as valuable and indispensable.
Every day, I thank God for making me a man. I tell Him, "I love being a man." My manhood is valuable and indispensable.
In all of the cultures Gilmore studied, manhood had to be earned and proved. Hence the old saying, "We are born boys, but we become men."
How did one prove his manhood? Three universal characteristics: provide for others, protect others, and procreate [make others].
Manhood was exemplified by being other-focused.
In our modern moment, however, all three characteristics are less celebrated and, for most young men, they are out of reach. Noah Smith observes, "15 years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Now, the real world is an escape from the internet." Today, young men disappear into online forums, they waste their best years playing video games, and they settle for contrived sex and intimacy through pornography and AI relationships. They have no one to provide for, no one to protect, and no one to make love to... They have lost the idea of manhood, and their loneliness and despair suggest how painful this loss has been.
Brothers, we must change the trajectory for the next generation of men. This change must come from the bottom up—from everyday men who notice the hopelessness plaguing the next generation of men and do something about it. And I own this. 90% of this, if not 95%, is on me—it is on us older men. We have left a generation(s) of men to figure it out on their own. We gave them a weight and responsibility that we never trained them to carry.
The problem has long warranted investment and attention. And I have not invested enough, nor am I attentive enough. I own that. A critical feature of Gilmore's findings was that boys must be ushered into manhood and masculinity by other [older] men. This is the missing link today.
Biological fathers. Spiritual fathers. Fathers wanted. Fathers needed.
Think about this... If you grow up in a single-parent household, attend a typical public school, get typical medical attention, and attend a typical evangelical church, there's a good chance you will not encounter a male figure of authority until middle school or later. Not your doctor, not your teachers. No one else around you. How do you think that affects a young man?
Boys need men in order to thrive.
Brothers, it starts with us. Manhood is the collapse of childish narcissism as the boy learns to love God and others more than himself. Let's teach the next generation how to provide. How to protect. How to build a legacy and lineage far surpassing their time on earth. Let's teach young men to love God and others more than themselves.
Building strong boys is easier than repairing broken men.
No more defense. As my friend Barry says, "We only play offense."
Pass me the ball,
— Harp