Youth + Inexperience = Foolishness

Time + Experience = Wisdom

Can young men lead up? Of course! Paul told Timothy not to let anyone despise his youth, BUT, more times than not, wisdom and experience are reserved for the more seasoned saints. In fact, in Biblical times (and Middle Eastern culture), to be considered wise, two things would have had to happen:

1) You had to be at least 40 years of age (age of wisdom)

2) You must have suffered some loss (loss and grief are incubators of wisdom).  

This, by the way, is why the scribes and Pharisees were astounded when Jesus spoke. "Who is this?" they would often exclaim. They were confused by his depth and wisdom. Why? Because he was 30 years old and had not experienced anything significant, he had not met the threshold of wisdom.

It's why when you're looking for someone to roof your house, you want 20 years of experience.

When you want someone to handle your finances, you want 20 trusted years of excellence.

When my 4-week-old son needed to have brain surgery, Doogie Howser would not do.

Yet, when it comes to spiritual insight and guidance for our children [and young adults], too often, we are okay with handing the reigns over to a glorified camp counselor—a freshly minted bible college kid with little experience and no wisdom.  

To ensure I was equally offensive, I went after the 'groups guy.' One of the most problematic ecclesiastical shifts occurred in the 80s when churches moved from academic spaces [think Sunday school] to communal spaces [think small groups].

At that time, we began segregating everyone by age and stage; we even hired age and stage pastors. We put married people in one room and singles in another. The 20-year-olds gathered on Tuesday night, while the 70-year-olds got together for 'Silver Sneakers' on Thursday morning.

I guess we thought wisdom and experience would bloom by putting a bunch of 20-year-olds together. We’ve got the fools leading the fools, and we wonder why everyone is suffering.

Wisdom and experience are largely transferred from generation to generation—wisdom and experience are best learned and applied when transferred down. For decades we have systematically killed gender-based, multigenerational discipleship [GMD] because we have segregated the generations. We are living in a Judges 2 era;

“And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel. And the people of Israel did what was evil in the sight of the Lord” [Judges 2:10-11]

Young men are dying because old men quit trying. Because they failed to pass on what they knew, foolishness and rebellion defined the next generation.

My Mission

Needless to say, they asked me not to come back the next night. Apparently, I had disrupted the youth guy to lead pastor pipeline. But that’s okay because I am on a mission: bring back gender-based, multigenerational discipleship.

That's why I serve at BetterMan. You will never beat six guys sitting around a fire with an older guy talking about life. And listen, age is relative. If you're 16, 35 is old.

If you're 35, 55 is old.

If you're 55, 70 is old.

And if you are 70, you're just old, you've got everyone covered.

My encouragement.. if you're a pastor, start creating space for GMD to happen. If you need guidance on where to start or what this can look like, hit me up on text at 817-513-2292 or email charper@betterman.com

If you are an older saint, reach out and reach down. At age 25, my life changed when a 70-year-old pipe fitter with a 6th-grade education asked me, "Do you know what the Lord wants from you?"

If you're a younger saint, reach out and reach up. Look for a faithful man in your church/community and ask them to guide you. Be humble. You've got things you need to learn, and he can guide you. The best guides are those who have failed [over and over] but are still going strong. I dig what Doug Murano said,  

"I get tired of 'Under 40' lists. Show me someone who got their PhD at 60 after losing everything. Give me the 70-year-old debut novelist who writes from a lifetime of love and grief. Give me calloused hands and tender hearts."

And since I am over the age threshold, have lost more than I care to mention, and have a few callouses, here's a little insight from a relatively new guide:  

Harp's Haberdash… bits and pieces of wisdom I've learned thus far:

• Compliment three people every day.

• At least once a week, do something for someone who can't/won't do something for you in return.

• Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

• Be the first to say, "Hello."

• Be a light-hearted man in a heavy-hearted world [thank you, Jon].

• Stop accumulating. Find satisfaction in what's in front of you. Forget the Joneses and remember everyone else.

• Don't pray for stuff. Pray for a listening heart [thank you, Tim].

• Be unreasonably kind.

• Ask questions—lots of them. If you've got 30 minutes with someone, spend 25 minutes focused on them.

• Hang out and learn from people who are not like you. Listen to people you disagree with. And when you do say something, say what you mean. Mean what you say. Don't be mean when you say it.

• Never forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.

• Keep your promises.

• Remember that overnight success usually takes about 15 years.

• Never miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

• Never deprive someone of hope. It may be all they have.

This blog originally appeared on Chris Harper's blog, Good Trouble.