Spend Time With Your Wife

Spending time with our wives is essential to nurturing the most important earthly relationship God has given us.

Paul says in Ephesians 5:25-26, "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word."

William Gouge wrote in 1622 that all the duties of a husband and father are summed up under one Word: love. Dallas Willard once said, "to love someone is to have their best interest at heart." What does acting in another's best interest look like? The gospels teach us that Christ is our model, especially when it comes to loving our wives:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…

King Jesus "gave himself up" for his bride, the church. He is our standard regarding operating in the best interests of another. Jesus is our example, and he did not mince words when he commanded us to love and declared what it looked like: 

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends (John 15:13-14)."  

Simply put, love means sacrifice. As a husband, you are daily sacrificing for your bride.  In the ultimate act of sacrifice, Jesus died for our sins, humbling himself to the point of death on a cross (Philippians 2:6–8). Jesus gave up his life so that we might have life. 

"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring [you] to God" (1 Peter 3:18). 

In the same way, you reflect the sacrificial love of Jesus by dying to yourself. A "self-centered husband" is a contradiction of terms. By God's design and decree, a man sacrifices for his wife.   


Sacrifice Your Time.  

Studies and surveys repeatedly rank "time with my spouse" as a woman's top emotional need. The same is true of your children. At the end of his life, a reporter asked Billy Graham if he could do it all again, what would he do differently? Billy said, "I would have traveled and preached less and spent more time with my family..."

Sacrificing time for your wife does not happen organically. You don't accidentally spend more time with those you love. This time must be thought out, planned for, and guarded. Consistency is critical—consistency is greater than intensity. Making time for your wife should be second nature; the more you do it, the more it becomes your default habit. 

How do I make “time with my wife,” a habit? 


Two Keys: Pursue & Listen

One in four married men will have an extra-marital affair. One. In. Four. In a recent study, when asked “why did you cheat on your spouse,” the overwhelming majority of participants said it was “nostalgia, not sex,” that drove them to cheat. Nostalgia. Wistfulness. That longing for what was. The feeling of the chase—to pursue someone. More so, the feeling of being chased—that someone would give everything they have to pursue you. Woman (and men for that matter) want to be wanted. As a husband make time to pursue your wife. Make time to want your wife. Make dating your wife a priority. Once a week or once a month, be intentional, set aside time to go after and rekindle what was. This I know, if you make time to pursue your wife, you won’t have much time to pursue someone else’s… The grass is not greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it. Water your lawn. 


You need to listen to your wife—she wants to be heard. 

The key to this is when you're home, be home. Be present and attuned to your wife’s needs. Practice active listening;

"A study from the University of Missouri shows that 45% of communication is listening, yet the average person remembers only 25% of the information they hear. Imagine being in a relationship and failing to hear 75% of what's said to you."

Active listening is making a conscious effort to hear, understand, and retain the information being relayed to you. It is a deep understanding of what you hear as you pick up on the speaker's intent, content, and emotion. Active listening requires paying attention. If you're watching NetFlix or scrolling through TikTok on your phone while someone is talking, you're not actively listening. 

Need to become a better listener? The Harvard Business Review has some phenomenal tips… 

Your wife wants more of you. Give it to her. Sacrifice your time. Pursue her. Listen to her. Go water the lawn. 
BetterMan wants to help you - so check out our study on how we honor the woman in our life.