The Rite of Passage must start with the end in mind.
As I call my sons out, I call them up to something more. What am I calling them to?
Five specific changes I hope to see in their lives [I'll give you two today and three later this week] :
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A RELATIONAL CHANGE
Boys learn to relate like men within a community of other men [i.e., women can’t teach boys how to be men].
In a world that pushes and prioritizes peer-to-peer growth, I prioritize multigenerational interaction. I intentionally introduce my boys to men of all ages, stages, and backgrounds. Uncle DeLario, Uncle Will, Uncle Jon, Coach P, and Pastor Eric are older men my sons can look up to. I encourage my sons to be SEEN and HEARD—to listen well, ask questions, and seek wisdom [Proverbs 4:7].
Every chance I get, I bring my son(s) along as I interact with other men. I let them see the process and results of iron sharpening iron versus a bunch of dull butterknives clanging together.
Over time, my boys will learn to relate to men, as men. As these men brush up against and rub off on my boys, my sons become immune to the inundation of feminine empathy. My boys rise as they are pushed by other men. These interactions will mature and deepen their emotional connection with the world and those in it.
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A PSYCHOLOGICAL CHANGE
Over time I help my sons shed the naïveté of their youthfulness by intentionally inviting them into challenging circumstances. I create safe places for them to succeed and fail. Every day, I am reinforcing the Rules of the Few:
RULE NO. 1 — Fight entitlement. When possible [which is almost always] choose hard work over handouts.
RULE NO. 2 — To get, give. Always extend your giving hand first. With anything, give first. With everything, give your all. Give without remembering and receive without forgetting.
RULE NO. 3 — Bring the Few Energy. In every moment of every day, exude grit, gratitude, and go.
RULE NO. 4 — Welcome pain. Comfort is a slow death. You have pain from your past and pain in your present. Do not simply bury it. Allow God to transform it. Your pain has a purpose.
RULE NO. 5 — If you risk nothing, you risk everything. Remember... "A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."
RULE NO. 6 — Luck favors hard workers. Make your own luck.
RULE NO. 7 — Die growing. Our motto is growth to the grave. Disciples are forever learners.
RULE NO. 8—Plan your day. If you have no plan, expect no progress. The plan does not have to be perfect. You can be firm and interruptible. First thing, do the hard thing.
RULE NO. 9 — Choose effort over your excuses and emotions. Always. No matter your feelings, choose to DO while you FEEL. Feelings are valid, but rarely are they true.
RULE NO. 10 — Restore the dignity of hard work. There is nobility in aspiring to live quietly, minding your own affairs, and working with your hands... [1 Thes 4:11].
[BONUS] RULE NO. 11 — You are who you hunt with. Everybody wants to eat, but FEW will hunt. Surround yourself with the FEW.
These rules push against simple and selfish thinking and promote growth and maturity as my boys develop real-life wisdom that enables them to navigate the complexities of adult life.
Boys do not become men by accident. I am on a journey with my boys—an intentional journey on an ancient path. I'm not guessing where we're going. I start with the end in mind.
The Few,
— Harp
