My wife and I are pretty good about date night. Pretty good as in we regularly spend one-on-one time together. Usually at a restaurant. Without kids.
We prioritize date night for two reasons:
- We want our kids to see us date. We want our daughters to expect this from their future husbands. We want our sons to keep pursuing and loving their wives beyond the courting stage. Modeling this rhythm is important to us because we want it to be automatic when they are married.
- We want to invest in our marriage, our love, our commitment to put each other before the other. It’s too easy to drift apart with the busyness of life and date night is a great way to stay connected without the chaos at home. It’s a great way to nurture the love and renew the passion that first brought us together.
It’s embarrassing to admit that in spite of those amazing reasons above, I was doing it wrong. Terribly wrong. Fortunately, I figured this out by accident one night (after 15 years of marriage!).
On one particular night, something changed. My wife and I were seated at a table looking over the menu. I was flicking through my smartphone (as usual) because I was SO important and needed to be connected just in case. My wife would tell you that it didn’t really bother her (sad statement, but it had reached that point). My constant phone use was the norm… she had given up caring or arguing.
But that night, I was led to do something different. Holy Spirit prompting perhaps or maybe I too was exhausted by the constant connectedness to a device versus connected with my wife.
I looked at her and said – please take my phone.
Four simple, yet powerful words.
My wife recounts this story well, so I’ll use her words below:
“He was handing me his phone. For me to be in control. Of his phone?! I was so shocked that he was giving up his time, all of it, for me. When I tell you that my heart leaped for joy. It burst. It was a cannonball. A skyrocket. Fireworks.
I was giddy that we were shutting the world out to be with one another. How romantic! We leaned into one another.
We spent that entire dinner facing one another, eye to eye. I was vulnerable with him that night in our conversations. I didn’t have that feeling that we’d be interrupted. I didn’t feel like I needed to compete for his attention. I noticed him relaxing more. He’d thrown the monkey off his back. We were free. Just us. He made my night a 10 by that simple action. And let me tell you, after a date like that, I wanted to make his night a 10 as well….”
I started a company called Aro to help families reduce screen time and increase the relationships that matter. To draw us back to one another, to be connected again. I want this for you and your family. I want this for your marriage.
So men, take the lead. Take your wife on a date this week. She longs for conversation, for connection, for intimacy.
Ask her to “please take your phone” and let her put it away (not on mute, not on the table, away). Tell your sitter or your kids that you won’t be available for one hour. One simple action to make her night a 10!
Do that, and your date night will be transformed. Do that, and your relational intimacy will skyrocket. Do that, and true marital intimacy will be sparked.
Trust me.
Heath Wilson
Co-Founder, Aro
Goaro.com
