Someone is leading your family. Right now, as you read, your home has a leader. Even if you’re the only one in your home, there is a leader, and it might not be you. If there are many people in your home, you may find that there are many leaders as well. 

If we accept this premise—that every home, every family, is following someone—are we willing to leave the identity of that leader to chance? Do we care who has the heart and attention of our family? Are we concerned with how they’re leading or where they’re taking them? 

How do we ensure that our family has the right leader? 

First, we must proclaim that the Shepherd we need to lead our families is Jesus Christ, the Good Shepherd. He’s the one who made us, knows us, loves us, provides for us, protects us, and lays down his life for us, his sheep. He’s the only one who can lead, for he’s not just the one who knows the way we need to go, but, in his words, he is the way (John 14:6). And if he is to be the Shepherd of our homes, then we need family shepherds who will follow the Good Shepherd and lead the rest of the family to do the same. 

Simply put, every family needs a shepherd who follows Christ and leads the rest of the family to follow him too. So for those longing to spiritually lead their families, here are Three Starting Points for Leading Your Family: 

Your Example  

Our children are watching. From the moment they are born, children are watching their parents to learn how to talk, how to walk, and how to eat. Children learn more from their parents than most parents realize. Parents introduce their children to genres of music, their favorite sports team, old movies, family recipes, holiday traditions, and classic board games. 

Children first learn what is funny from their parents. They learn what is right and what is wrong. And most of this learning happens merely by watching their parents. The example of their parents, for better or for worse, carries the most weight. 

Charles Spurgeon once wrote: “A man’s life is always more forcible than his speech. When men take stock of him they reckon his deeds as dollars and his words as pennies. If his life and doctrine disagree the mass of onlookers accept his practice and reject his preaching.” 

While we are called to teach the Word of God to our children, we must always take great care to actually live out our faith in front of them as well. 

As the old adage goes, “We must practice what we preach.” 

Christian Smith’s new research affirms the significance of a parent’s consistent example as he reports, “Parental consistency in word and deed, rules, and meaningful intentions affects the success of religious transmission to children.” 

One of the greatest starting points for leading your family, and especially your children, to the Lord is your own faithful example. Flee from hypocrisy and be light in your home. 

Paul considered himself a spiritual father of the church in Corinth and called his spiritual children to imitate his example (1 Cor. 4:15-16; 11:1). 

Can we say that to our children? Can we tell them to imitate us; to follow our example? Or are we still telling our children, “do what I say, not what I do”? Most likely, they are going to do what we do. So let our actions match our words, let our life keep in step with our gospel message: “Be doers of the word, and not hearers only” (James 1:22). 

Let this starting point encourage you today. Let it serve as a sweet reminder that even on your busy days, your children are watching and you are in a prime position to offer them an example to follow: 

• When you sin, model repentance
• When they sin, model grace
• When you awake, model a morning devotion
• When you eat, model family prayer
• When you work, model honesty, diligence, work-ethic, and character
• When you’re in traffic, model patience and self-control 
• When you’re worried, model dependence on the Lord
• When you’re called, model obedience 
• When suffering, model joy and worship
• When around others, model love and service 

Every week brings countless opportunities for you to live out your faith in front of your children and it is your constant example that remains one of the greatest starting points for spiritually leading your family. 

Check back next week for Part 2. 

Jonathan Williams, Ph.D. (Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary) is the Executive Director of Gospel Family Ministries: www.gospelfamily.org  This ministry focuses on strengthening family ministry in the local church and cultivating family worship in the Christian home. Jonathan spends his days leading conferences and workshops that equip men to be spiritual leaders in their homes, to strengthen marriages, and to train parents to cultivate a biblical worldview in the hearts of their children. Jonathan is the author of “A Practical Theology of Family Worship” and “Gospel Family.” He also teaches as an adjunct professor at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, TX, and is the managing editor of the Southwestern D6 Family Ministry Journal. Previously, Jonathan served for 10 years as the senior pastor of Wilcrest Baptist Church, a multi-ethnic church of more than 50 nations. He lives in Texas with his wife and three children.