The Rite of Passage must start with the end in mind.

As I call my sons out, I call them up to something more. What am I calling them to?

Five specific changes I hope to see in their lives:

1. A RELATIONAL CHANGE

    

2. A PSYCHOLOGICAL CHANGE

3. A THEOLOGICAL CHANGE

   My sons will learn what they believe and why they believe it. They will learn to examine their beliefs and wrestle with their convictions as they develop a vision of the sacred they can articulate and defend. They will be men of orthodoxy and orthopraxy, mind and heart engaged, as they seek to live out all they believe. From the age of two, Harper men begin learning this simple catechism:

   Q: How and why did God create you?

   A: God created us male and female in His own image to glorify Him.

    

   Q: Why did God make you strong?

   A: To help the weak.

    

   Q: Why did God make you rich?

   A: To help the poor.

    

   Q: Why did God make you smart, capable, and handsome?

   A: To better the world and bring Him glory

    

   Q: What is our only hope in life and death?

   A: That we are not our own but we belong to God.

    

4. A SOCIOLOGICAL CHANGE

   As my sons move from boyhood to manhood, they learn to die to self as they are pulled into a larger, ancient story. Caught up in the deeper, older story, my boys are freed from the small story of their own making. They learn to fight what Augustine called the “homo incurvatus in se” as they become men who live for God and others. They learn to master the art of self-forgetfulness—they become men of no reputation. Harp’s 10 rules of self-forgetfulness:

   - Speak as little as possible of oneself. 90/10 rule: when you are with someone, spend 90% of the time focused and talking about them.

   - One the losses and give away the wins.
   - Do not try to manage other people's affairs.
   - Accept criticism and correction cheerfully.
   - Pass over the mistakes of others.
   - Accept insults and injuries [Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven].
   - Accept being slighted, forgotten, and disliked.
   - Be kind and gentle even when provoked.
   - Choose the hardest path, always.

    

5. A PHYSICAL CHANGE

   My sons will learn that their physical strength and sexual desires are good gifts from God. Both have a place and purpose in this world and must be channeled and directed in life-giving ways.

   Physically, men are built to protect the weak and vulnerable. This includes women. All women. At a VERY young age, my sons learn not to hit girls. Any girls (e.g., their sister). This includes physically engaging girls in sports. Boys are bigger, faster, and stronger; biologically, boys have an unfair advantage. We do not exploit that advantage. Ever.

   If my sons ever have to choose between their well-being and comfort and the well-being and comfort of others, they forgo their well-being for the sake of others.

   My sons will learn to reject porn and the objectification of women. [All] women are made in the image of God [imago Dei], and because of such, they have inherent value, dignity, and honor and are worthy of love and respect. My sons will have enough character and honor that when they advance on a woman, and she says 'No,' they will ungrudgingly walk her safely home. My boys will earn that sex is designed for and best enjoyed in the marriage bed, between husband and wife, for the purpose of procreation, intimacy, and pleasure between husband and wife.

   
   

Boys do not become men by accident. I am on a journey with my boys—an intentional journey on an ancient path. I'm not guessing where we're going. I start with the end in mind.

The Few,

— Harp