By now, you might be picking up on the fact that I am not a big self-esteem guy... Jesus did not die to increase our self-esteem. Rather, Jesus died because it pleased the Father—that Jesus would redeem people from the curse of sin.

The crux of life is not to increase your self esteem. The crux of life, the Christian life, is to die to self—self denial.

Jesus did not say “promote yourself.” He did not say “better yourself.” He didn’t come to be mocked, beaten, and crucified so that you can have your best life now. Jesus came that we might have life, a full life, a blessed life, life that comes from picking up our cross and following Him.

WITH THAT SAID, beware of a dangerous, manufactured, low self-esteem. When you are in the grips of low self-esteem it may not feel like pride, but it might be. It might be what Ed Welch calls, “the dark, quieter side of pride — thwarted pride.”

Low self-esteem can easily become self-pity. A type of self-loathing, and self-loathing is the flip side of pride. It’s the backside of boasting

How does self-pity relate to pride? Look how John Piper contrasts boasting and self-pity:

Boasting is the response of pride to success. Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering.

Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.” Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have suffered so much.”

Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong. Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak.

Boasting sounds self-sufficient. Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing.

Boasting is usually obvious. But self-pity is more subtle. It arises from the wounded ego. The self-pitiful often appear as if they struggle with low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness. In reality, people who wallow in self-pity are unhappy because their worthiness has gone unnoticed. “I haven’t received what I’m owed. I deserve better. No one treats me according to my worth.”

To fight against self is to fight a two-headed dragon named ego. Our ego feeds one of two lies. Interestingly enough, they are the same two lies Satan has been telling since the beginning time: “you’re so good you do not need God,” or, “you’re so bad God could never want you.” Adam and Eve feel for both, in the same day. One minute they are disobeying God because they know better than God, and the next they are hiding, naked, afraid to be seen by God. It was a banner day for the Father of Lies...

Every day you and I walk a fine line between these two lies. Most days, I am believing one more than the other. It is a constant struggle to keep it between the lines. But I am learning. And it’s Jesus who is teaching me how.